I had dinner with a few co-workers on Wednesday and somehow we got talking about naughty things we did when we were children. I was shocked to discover that I am not the only one who did mean/sneaky/naughty when I was a child. I have always looked at what I was like when I was little and been really embarrassed that I did such sneaky, naughty things. Like, for example, the year I got roller skates for my birthday (don't read this, mom). A week before my birthday I "discovered" them in my mom's closet and spent the next few days roller skating around the house with them on. And then I had to act surprised when I received them. I'm hoping my mom never reads this so I never have to find out whether she knew or not. Then there was the Christmas (a few years earlier) when I "discovered" we were getting a Lite Brite for Christmas. But on Christmas morning, said gift was not under the tree. And I couldn't exactly figure out how to tell mom that she was missing a gift. We got it later that day (I think). There are other, more devious, things that I did that I won't tell you about, because my mom reads my blog and I want her to think I was a "good kid". HA! I think she already knows I'm not, but the illusion is fun.
Sometimes it feels like I am one of the only people on my staff that has actual bad things in their past. I remember one co-worker gasping that I had fingered someone on the way to work. She said she has NEVER fingered anyone. And I thought holy crap, I'm evil.
So now you have discovered that I am a very imperfect person. I have flaws that have flaws. I am flawed. I have a very devious mind. But I don't want to. I just do. If I could stop my mind from working the way it does, I would. And just so you know, being devious is very, very, very hard work. Or at least I like to make you THINK it is. Wah ha ha ha ha.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Dear Parents
It is that time of year again, when teachers have that glazed look while teaching, constantly looking over at the computer, longing to be sitting at it, typing nauseating comments about whether Johnny can interpret the author's "big idea" or whether Jane knows her ass from a hole in the ground. When you read your child's report card, remember that your child's teacher spent countless hours trying to find the perfect way to say your child is as dumb as a post without saying your child is as dumb as a post. I know report cards are filled with "teacher speak" that you probably don't understand. But, believe me, you really don't want to understand what we are writing. Because if you did, you would realize that your child is not nearly as spectacular as you think they are. Or there are those students who you just love to pieces, but you can't actually write that in a report card. I would love to write: "So-and-so is such an amazing student. If I could have him/her in my class for the next 3 years, it would make me incredibly happy. When I see his/her shining face, it makes me smile."
So here's my "report card" for the last term. See if you can figure out what I really mean to say.
Opening Comments
Mrs. Skye is a very sarcastic, enthusiastic teacher who loves to read out loud to her students. Occasionally she can be slightly less than friendly, especially when things don't go her way. We are working with her to ensure she keeps a positive attitude during class. She gets along well with her fellow teachers, but spends too much time socializing and not enough time getting her work done. She is really having difficulties keeping her desk and surrounding space neat, and she needs to work on her organizational skills. She often doesn't have the required marking completed on time, and therefore isn't prepared for class. She often throws together lessons, but doesn't put enough thought and time into completing them.
Behaviour
Mrs. Skye is struggling to complete her work on time and to be prepared for class. Far too frequently she is late for school, and the "traffic was bad" excuse is wearing thin. She needs to ensure she leaves her house early enough to avoid being late. This is affecting her ability to come to class prepared. She often requires one-on-one support to help her with her emotional and social issues, and these issues sometimes interfere with her teaching.
It is the recommendation of the New Westminster Board of Education that Mrs. Skye repeats grade 5 again next year. Until she gets it right.
So here's my "report card" for the last term. See if you can figure out what I really mean to say.
Opening Comments
Mrs. Skye is a very sarcastic, enthusiastic teacher who loves to read out loud to her students. Occasionally she can be slightly less than friendly, especially when things don't go her way. We are working with her to ensure she keeps a positive attitude during class. She gets along well with her fellow teachers, but spends too much time socializing and not enough time getting her work done. She is really having difficulties keeping her desk and surrounding space neat, and she needs to work on her organizational skills. She often doesn't have the required marking completed on time, and therefore isn't prepared for class. She often throws together lessons, but doesn't put enough thought and time into completing them.
Behaviour
Mrs. Skye is struggling to complete her work on time and to be prepared for class. Far too frequently she is late for school, and the "traffic was bad" excuse is wearing thin. She needs to ensure she leaves her house early enough to avoid being late. This is affecting her ability to come to class prepared. She often requires one-on-one support to help her with her emotional and social issues, and these issues sometimes interfere with her teaching.
It is the recommendation of the New Westminster Board of Education that Mrs. Skye repeats grade 5 again next year. Until she gets it right.
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